How to tell a true war story character narration - Lemon's sister

I sat at my desk and looked out numbly through the window. Cars drove by as a child played across the street and Mr. Ashwood was even creeping out of Mrs. Carvers house having spent the night while her husband was away on business. The world went on outside the window but on this side of the glass the world had ended. It had come crashing down around my head without remorse or warning.  I picked up the envelope that had encased the world-destroying news and read aloud, “Kiley”. My brother had mentioned Rat in a few of his letters; his best friend and fellow prankster. Before I had even read the cold letter from the army informing me of my brother’s death I had read Rat Kiley’s very sentimental letter. It had been heartfelt and while it was not Shakespeare it did illustrate how much Rat had loved my brother. which made the unrelenting ache in my chest even worse. I wish that letter had never come. I wish Rat had not plagued me with images of my wild, fun, and yet trustworthy brother. Most of all I wish my brother would burst through the door of our childhood home. It was the home we had lived in before our parents died, the home our aunt had raised us in long after, and the home in which I sat praying this had all been some horrible mistake. It had to be a mistake because if it wasn't it meant I would never receive another bone-crunching hug that lifted my feet off the ground. I would never get another of those hugs that I secretly relished while I loudly protested that I was a young lady and too old for such nonsense. Rat Kiley said he would “look me up” when the war ended but I didn't want him to. I picked up the letter and put it in the desk’s ashtray. I set it on fire and as I watched the news of my brother’s death burn I admitted to myself what I would never say out loud. I was not going to write back to Rat Kiley and tell him to “look me up” because I secretly wished it had been him. Why had my big brother died and he been spared? As I watched the last of the letter smolder I recognized that, God forgive me, I was burning Rat Kiley. I was wishing that he had been blown up by that mine. I was pretending that the letter had come from my brother; a heartbroken note informing me that his best friend Rat Kiley had died...